Writing Challenge Day 7
This is getting harder. I don’t feel like doing it today. I don’t know if anyone is reading it, I guess I’m writing just for me.
I have 2 tattoos.
The first is a ladybug with the words, “No Limit” underneath it. Yes, “No Limit.” I like to tell people that it is unrelated to Master P., but I’m lying. I got the tattoo after my relationship with my daughter’s father ended. He was abusive beyond words. It’s not something that I can talk about right now, because it will knock me off my game for weeks. But, I was inspired by reading articles about Master P., who in 1998 was having a good year. I had pictures of him taped up at my desk, and I was inspired by him. I wanted to be in the music industry. In 1998, I was about 19 and had wanted to be in the business with all my heart for about 3 years.
I got the ladybug because after the storm of the horrific relationship ended, I found myself surrounded by ladybugs. There was an infestation at my job, and they were everywhere, falling from the ceiling even. At the same time, I was playing bingo and winning a lot of money.
To me, these two things meant that the darkest days of my life were over and that there would be “no limits” to what I could do now. Plus, I was 19. Hearing P narrate Solange’s album, A Seat at the Table, I feel a little more proud to tell people about my tattoo. I know I’m not the only one that Percy Miller inspired.
My other tattoo is of the word “Libertas” on my wrist. It means “Freedom.” I have always struggled with feeling bound. Feeling out of control or stuck. This is a recurring theme in my life that I have just come to recognize and understand as a source of a lot of my challenges. I didn’t know that when I got the tattoo, I wanted it because I love the word. I loved the idea, and I also love Outkast. It is the last word spoken on my favorite song by them, “Liberation.”
After a recent trip to Austin to spend time with my best friend, she gave me a tarot reading and pulled up a card of a woman who is bound and blindfolded, the Eight of Swords. She told me that the card always comes up in my readings. She said, “This, unfortunately, is your card.” The Eight of Swords, of course, represents feeling stuck.
It was then that everything made sense that my deep longing for freedom is a real part of my psyche. Now that I understand that, I know how and why I operate the way I do. I know how to counter the bad and enhance the good of that feeling. Knowing what I know, I feel more free than ever.